We were having one of those mornings. One of those nothing at all is going right or happening easily mornings. And you know who started it? Me. I let the morning get the best of me from the moment I grumpily stepped out of bed.
I woke up with a frown on my face. I stubbed my toe as I stumbled through the dark house on the way to get that first cup of life-giving coffee.
I snapped at my husband for trying to help me when I didn't want help.
I rolled my eyes and felt the tension build when both girls walked into my room at 5:45 in the morning. I told them they had to go sit down and keep themselves entertained for the next 45 minutes because they were interrupting my quiet morning routine. I didn't have the patience to deal with their never-ending needs that early this morning.
I broke up a fight about a doll that one daughter claimed as her own when it really belongs to the other by taking the doll and throwing it on top of the fridge so no one could have it. I told the same daughter (who is only 4...still a baby really) to GET. OUT. when she continued to cry about the damn doll. That's a lie, guys. I didn't "tell" her. I yelled in my best mad mom voice.
Because I WAS mad and I felt mean and ugly inside and horrible and I didn't get a grip on it. I let it take over this morning. I woke up feeling overwhelmed by kids. I woke up feeling overwhelmed by a house that needs cleaned...desperately. I woke up feeling selfish and unwilling to take care of anyone's feelings except my own.
When it was time to get coats and backpacks on, I just wanted to be left alone. I wanted to drop the girls off at school, put Logan in front of the TV, and sit in the quiet and let myself wallow in my bad place. I was getting ready to less than calmly tell Camden for the fourth time in 3 minutes to get her coat on when it happened.
Hannah came up and hugged my waist and with the complete honesty and love that only a child can give said, "You're the best Mom EVER." Camden, as she danced around still not doing a single thing I asked of her, but being completely and unapologetically and perfectly Camden, piped up, "You are Mom! Even when you're mad!" Logan, who had just been screaming about not wanting his coat on, started laughing and jumping up and down yelling "Yeah! Yeah! Mommy!"
My heart cracked and shifted. The ugly was gone and I hit my knees and hugged them all tight and let their grace wash over us all. Even when I was at my worst, they found a way to only see my best. They gave me grace when I needed it most, without really even knowing they were doing it.
I came home from dropping the girls off and sat down for a minute to think about the morning. I released a lot of stress with a good cry and realized what I forgot to do this morning. I forgot to take a minute to breathe and pray and be calm and to love these kids, this house, this life, myself just as they all were at that moment. Because even when it's dirty, the house is wonderful. Because even when they are fighting and crying and screaming, these children are more precious than anything in this world. Because even at my worst, I am a good person with a great life.
Offer grace, you guys. You never know when you may be giving it to someone who needs it the most.
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