Good Friday. What a horribly, wonderful day. I spend every Good Friday thinking about Jesus and my walk with him. Am I doing it right? Am I on the right path? Am I loving enough? Forgiving enough? Working hard enough not to break His commandments? I wonder about every little decision I make. Is this what God wants or am I doing what I want? It's harder to think about today when I'm imagining Him hanging on a cross after being beaten and knocked down and tortured. All for me. He did this all for me. And you. For all of us. Out of love. Can you imagine a love like that?
I've been spending a lot of time praying today. I've thanked God for His sacrifice. I've prayed that my life is following His plan. I was in the middle of taking a break from all of that thinking and praying to check my email when a little hand tapped me on the arm.
I looked down and saw a grinning Logan reaching his hand toward mine. I took his hand, stood up, and let him lead me to whatever it was that he wanted me to see. Usually, he takes me straight to the playroom and demands that I build something, play with something, watch him play with something, read a book, the list goes on.
This time, we walked right past the playroom. I followed his slow, careful steps into my bedroom. He looked at me for reassurance, I smiled, and we continued into the bathroom. He led me right in front of the full length mirror, sat down, pulled me down, and looked at me in the mirror. He pointed at both of us, smiled his irresistible dimple-filled smile, stood up, and we continued out of the bathroom. We hadn't spoken a single word to each other through this process.
He took me to the living room, pointed to the couch and then to me. I sat down and he crawled right up in my lap and snuggled into me. He let out a sigh, and looked up at me with one more smile.
I'm still not sure there was a point to the whole thing. He just wanted me to smile and follow him and offer my presence and love.
That's when it hit me. Maybe that IS the point. The whole point to all of this. Maybe if I calm down and just take God's hand, that's really all that He wants. Maybe I'm spending way too much time demanding things of myself, wondering about the how, the why, the what next of things, instead of just grabbing His hand walking through life holding on tight to that love and reassurance.
So, for today, I'm going to stop worrying and wondering. I'm going to grab the hand of Jesus and walk through my day smiling with eyes full of love.
